daysinbetween’s blog

I have to move on from you, because truly, I don’t know what else to do. The arrogance of my human condition has made it difficult for me to accept that you do not return my feelings. Despite my best efforts to command you too.

 

I once read that people stay around because they want to and I think that this time, I will be the one leaving you. When I stormed past you, it might have been representative of me leaving for quite some time, and I think this would be healthier for both of us.

 

It is funny than when I wake up, consumed with these thoughts of you, I am no more than a passing thought for you, a whimsical thought that has no solidity.

 

I may love you because it is impossible to have you, and maybe the greatest impossibility is the one that defines the greatest love.

 

Yet, I do not regret this, because it feels such a part of me now that I am not sure how to be without it. These feelings became my lover in the place of, or in the absence of you.

Audio: Show us your favorite movie soundtrack. 
Submitted by miyagawa. 

I think the soundtrack to Amelie, is just amazing. It is so beautiful and you feel like you're riding a pretty white bike with a basket around old cobbled streets in France.

Recently, which probably means the last few days, weeks or whatever of my life has been quite stressful? I am quickly discovering that I am incredibly obsessive about the future and because of this, every day is becoming one where my poor teeth are suffering more and more.

 

It’s so many things that I worry about, like jobs, housing, relationships and family. Every aspect of my life is affected at the moment, and not in major ways, but more like in little ways. But those little ways all mount up, and it quickly becomes this BIG MAJOR thing and feels like a little too much to cope with.

 

Basically, it’s because a lot of things are changing for me. I have been in education for 19 years now, and that’s quite a long time for anybody really. And I guess, the problem is, that as of this September, yeah I AM BEING THROWN INTO THE REAL WORLD. That scares me, more than a little to be honest. I have previously discussed on here, all the issues I was having with my course. The fact that I didn’t really think I could cope with journalism, as it is such a boring job. Instead of, I wanted to go into television. I guess that’s not changed really, I mean I still really want to be a presenter. I have instead decided to open my options.

 

Going into television on any level is pretty difficult, because so many people want to do it. You also have start from the bottom, which means working for about 10,000 pounds a year and I should be on double that with all the bloody education I have. But if you do want to do something, then I guess you have to start at the bottom. I just wish there were a way to be able to go into television, and not be entirely poor you know?

 

I have been applying for jobs recently, and work experience. So far, I have a week with my local radio station coming up in July, and perhaps, a week with Sky News further down the line in summer. The jobs I have been applying for are as a TV researcher for a chat show called ‘The Trisha Show’ and as a travel writer for a magazine called ‘Group Travel Organiser’.

 

I figure, the type of journalism I would be happy with (and this is while I can still be picky and have the luxury of not needing to desperately need to apply for anything to get money,) would be travel and music journalism. I am not that interested really in fashion journalism any more, or celebrities. I love to read about them, I just don’t want to write about them really. I realise that I am being very idealistic really, but I can be for a month or so more. I don’t wish to burst my bubble just yet.

 

The next jobs I will be looking for, will be more researcher jobs and radio presenting as well. The thing that worries is me, is that these jobs will be move me away from London and Jack. Then that makes me worry about the relationship, which makes me wonder if he would come with me. Do I want him to? (Yes) But we have more or less said we’re not moving in together, because it is too soon, so does that mean it’s still possible to carry on a relationship if you’re miles away? Then what do you put first, the job or the relationship?

 

Perhaps I am worrying too much, there are too many what if’s right now. That’s mainly because I try to consider every last option, so that nothing can shock or upset me in the future when it does happen. A defence, if you will. Until the time comes, of course I know that there is no way of stopping the future, and I don’t want to control it, but I seem to be living more in the future than the present. Don’t want to mess one up because I am living in the other.

I am supposed to be in class right now, except it is really not class, not really. It is a website. It’s a news website for our university that we are doing for class, and it tells the students and staff what is going on around our university. We each have jobs on this website; I was a features writer, now I am a sub editor. 

 

Right now I am supposed to be in the debriefing for it, from our tutor Chris. He goes through what have been good and bad about what we have done over the last week in terms of the website.

 

Except, I don’t like going to these debriefings, last time I went, he really put my article down. I don’t mind criticism, really I don’t, but he SLATED me in a very unprofessional manner in front of my class. Sometimes I wonder what I am even doing here, doing journalism. I really don’t care about it you know? But then, I wonder what else I would be doing? What else right now would be happening in my life, if I hadn’t of undertaken this course.

 

I have discovered, that yes, I do want to do TV or radio presenting, but even to do that I have to be in London, really. It is the main place in terms of media that you should be if you want has all the opportunities presented to you. I just sometimes wished I could live somewhere prettier, like Edinburgh, but I know the same opportunities aren’t there. It’s like balancing my head and my heart and seeing which wins.

 

Head says:- Stay in London, get a media job in which you know you can do, if you just gave it a little more time.

 

Heart says: Get out of London! Move to somewhere you know is prettier, where you can respond to your surroundings, instead of just accepting them.

 

But surely, a place is what you make of it right? They say that London is one of the best places in the world, so why oh why do I think about leaving? I do not think it is because I am unhappy per se in this place. Only that I am frustrated with my course, frustrated with the way my lecturer talks to us, and frustrated that I DID NOT DO TELEVISION AND RADIO AS MY COURSE.

 

But what if even if I did do it,  I was unhappy? Perhaps I will always look for more. Perhaps the grass is always greener, and if so how do I make my grass just as bright? Is it about accepting your losses?

 

I think personally that I am always going to be a person who will want more than what they have got. Perhaps this is some thing inside me that is always yearning for more, because maybe they never want to be content where they are. Perhaps I grew comfortable in being uncomfortable.

 

I am seeing a counsellor at the moment, and we are talking about these things. I have come to the conclusion that everybody needs a counsellor and it is doing me the world of good. Having someone to talk to is amazing, someone that doesn’t judge you and all.

 

 I don’t feel like being judged at the moment, which is why I am avoiding the mornings debriefing. Because, just for now, I do want to hide and be a little weak while I mull things over in my head without the distraction of negativity coming from anybody else.

 

 

What is your current obsession(s)?
Submitted by eijsr.

Myspace Anonymous

 

My name is Sarah Andrews and I am Myspaceaholic.

 

I hold my hand up, there’s no point in even denying it, I am truly and utterly obsessed with Myspace.

 

Rupert Murdoch, you have A LOT to answer for. He is the equivalent of my drug dealer, albeit one I have never met or spoken to, but the likening is still relevant.

 

I became a member of Myspace sometime in 2005 I think? I was not obsessed at this point, I was not even really aware of what it was. I then logged back in about January 2006 and realised that all the people I knew in real life (or a lot of them) had added me on there.

 

This added a whole new dimension to it! You could spy on the people you fancied, peep over at what your nemesis was doing without adding them as a friend!

 

But the obsession became much worse than that. It came to the point where I was changing my profile layout every few weeks, just so it looked variable. How sad was/is that? I still do it. The main point is so people don’t get bored and will keep looking at my profile! I should of course not care if people look at my profile or not, but then let’s face it, I wouldn’t be a member of Myspace in the first place if that were true.

 

Many people make fun of the people on Myspace, like they can’t understand the whole concept of it. What is the point truly of it? Perhaps it is that it allows us to be a different person than we are in real life. One that is judged as quickly, but the online persona is one that has time to think of replies, can define themselves in the genres of music/films and ‘About Me’. I am sure many people spend hours wondering what to write in there. It is a way of saying to people ‘I am interesting, really!’ I don’t mock this of course, because I AM A PART OF IT. I am as guilty as the next person.

 

What I am really guilty of is the picture taking. The ‘Myspace’ posing. I suppose there is a disdain of people for people like me who pose for photos. It is however through Myspace that I discovered I really like photography, and so started taking photos of others things besides myself.

 

Recently, I have discovered that people are also getting addicted to Facebook, which is a very similar concept. The one thing that I don’t personally like about Facebook is that you can not design the layout of your page; you don’t have any songs playing. Everybody’s profile is the same!

 

The advantages of Myspace:

 

1)      Discovering new music

2)      Networking

3)      Finding out about classified things such as ‘Extras wanted’ and ‘Singers wanted’.

4)      Making fun of your friends dodgy photos.

 

Disadvantages:

 

1)      The need to prove yourself through your profile.

2)      The feeling of self worth you have when you receive comments.

3)      Emos

4)      Ex’s stalking you.

5)      People obsessively positing bulletins with questionnaires that no body cares about.

 

There you go, I have admitted my obsession. I do not have any shame and I know there are millions like me! Does that make it okay? No, but we are guilty in numbers and I say that Myspaceaholics should unite!

 

 

 

I often wondered where Valentines Day came from, and so I decided to do some research.

The fact that St. Valentine is a patron of lovers is quite odd. Why? Because he is also a patron of epileptics and people suffering from nervous diseases.

 

The explanation for this may be hidden in the German etymology of the Saint's name: 'fallen' - 'fall'. Reasons why St. Valentine became the patron of lovers are not clearly specified - some people see the explanation in the concurrence of the Saint's day with the time when birds from the British Isles choose their partners;

 

In Chaucer's Parliament of Foules we read:

'For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne's day Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.'

Another theory says that it is connected with a pagan custom taken over by Christians and consisting in writing names of beloved girls by young boys on the day before the holiday of the girls' goddess (on February 15).

Rome

 

Originally, the Romans celebrated on February 15, Lupercalia (known as the “festival of sexual license”) in honor of Lupercus, god of fertility and husbandry.

 

Assisted by Virgins, male priests (the Luperci) carried out purification by sacrificing goats in a cave, where Romans believed the twins Romulus and Remus had been brought up by a wolf before founding Rome.

Clothed in nothing but loincloths made from goats and they ran around and women would get struck by thongs made from goat skin. This was believed to help fertility and ease of childbirth. February derives from februa or “means of purification.”

 

Erotic Games

 

February was also sacred to Juno Februata, the goddess of febris (“fever”) of love, women and marriage. To celebrate this, on February 14, teen-age boys would pick paper out at random, each piece with a girls name on it. The pair then became a couple and would join erotic games at feasts and parties. After the festival, they would remain sexual partners for the rest of the year. This custom was observed in the Roman Empire for centuries.

Christianity

 

This custom was ‘Christianised’ and changed to Feb 2nd then back to Feb 14th. It became the “Feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary.”

Christianity wanted to get rid of these ‘pagan’ festivals; Lupercalia was high on their list. But the Roman citizens thought otherwise.

 

They couldn’t get rid of it and so renamed it St. Valentine’s Day and changed it from February 15 to the 14th. It was named after one of that church’s saints, who, in A.D. 270, were executed by the emperor for his beliefs.

 

But why the devil do we use the symbol of the heart?

The Bible mentions the name Baal, which means ‘lord’, and is mentioned as god of the pagans. The language of ancient Babylonian, bal, (similar to Baal)=HEART. Hence where the symbol came from.

 

 

There you go, now you know a little more about why people go mad about Valentines day, it is all a huge manipulative ploy by the Church. I think we all gathered that much anyway. I still love it, I like seeing the look on people faces when they receive cards or other ‘lovey’ things. Yes we shouldn’t just have one day dedicated to love, but normal people obviously don’t just resign themselves to this one day to show someone how they feel (if at all). So I shall get excited about Valentines day, and spread the love as it were.

 

 Photo is from: http://www.refocus-now.com/stock/Hearts/thumbnails/tnHeart%20Love%20Hearts%20Valentines%20Day%20Valentine%202.jpg

 

Living in student halls is a beautiful thing, all the new friends, parties and living so close to the university.

 

Oh and getting the fire door kicked down by strangers at 4am. That’s always a bonus. It happened on Monday night in the deep, dark depths of the morning.

 

You see Monday night, is the ‘student night’, where a lot of students go to the Union bar, which is called ‘The Undercroft.’ So obviously, you expect rowdy people in the wee hours, hell, I have been one of them several times, but damaging doors for the sake of it?

 

For about a half hour, I had been in bed listening to the drunken ramblings of some people who don’t even live on my corridor.

 

Enough was enough, I was getting ready to go and tell them where they could go, then BOOOOOOOF, BOOOOOOOOOG BANNNNNNG. I was scared witless, I didn’t want to open my door after that.

 

The door had obviously been knocked down, and then we heard footsteps running through the corridor and that’s the last I remember.

 

The next morning, the door was absolutely trashed, the glass knocked out, the handle RIPPED OFF, how does anyone do that?!

 

Right now, there are drills going off (my brain is vibrating) making new windows in our shiny new door. On reporting it to reception, I found it had happened on two other floors.

 

What annoys me the most is the fact that people can get in and do that? It says a lot about the security of our halls, where I think more security than say in a house is needed. The doors are obviously inadequate and serve more as an obstacle to drunken louts than a way of leaving the building in a fire.

 

We only have one security guard on, and he is certainly not up to the job in my opinion. Yes that is defamatory, but they the alternating guards all seem to be old, with little English and did I mention old?

 

With all the students in campus, you’re telling me that we have ONE security man at night? Well I do feel safe now.

 

Ah, the Guitar, you can slice it apart quite easily, but learning to play it is another matter.

 

I have had my guitar Lola, (Yes I named it, mainly because I couldn’t play it) for a year and a half. I have tried on and off to learn to play it, but to no avail

 

This time, oh yes, this time will be much different.

 

You see the guitar as a beautiful thing; it is one of the clearest ways of expressing yourself. You can instantly tell when someone is annoyed, sad or just plain ol’happy. Except in air guitar, because let’s face it, that’s just weird.

 

It is all about learning how to express yourself on the guitar though, through learning chords and tabs and where the hell you’re supposed to put your fingers.

 

I am making progress however. Through things like this:

 

I don’t know if it is best to teach myself or to get a teacher. Guitar lessons are very pricy though, and I am but a lowly student.

 

Eventually, Lola will no longer be my nemesis, and we will become friends. Until then though, my fingers will be sore and red and eventually crusted.

Photos are taken from : http://www.guitar-lessons-central.com/image-files/cheatsheet.jpg
                                   http://www.phys.unsw.edu.au/music/guitaracoustics/guitar_graphix/guitar_anatomy.jpg

I got into the play in the drama club, which is called Howard Katz, it is about:

 

Katz. Howard Katz. “Father, son, husband, brother, showbiz agent, fifty and furious: Howard Katz throws his life in the air to search for his soul...’’

 

I didn’t just get one part. Oh no! They gave me three. I do not understand the significance of this, only that I am going to be schizophrenic until April.

 

Meet my new personalities:

 

Jess: a 40 year old. Obviously, I am going to need a lot of makeup (agree with me on this and I’ll be your best friend) She is the wife of Katz. I don’t know if this makes me a main character or not. I have never been a main character before..Ooooohhh ‘Citing!

 

Tina: is an agent in the same company as Katz. I know no more.

 

Linda: A transsexual. With an addiction to oranges. Actually, I don’t know anything about this one, only that she’s probably an extra or something?

 

 

 

They have the nicest names ever. It’s not like they’re exotic is it? I wanted to be called Antoinette or Fleur, or like something that isn’t the female equivalent of TONY.

 

But as a newly dedicated actress, I will no longer answer to you as the Sarah you all know. I am going to be one of the three lovely ladies.

 

Watch out, Tina bites.

 

It was a beautiful day, and all the birds flew into the sky

 

And fell back down again as they realised

 

That it was a picture I was looking at.